


Down The Rabbit Hole

by clockworknobody



Category: The Dark Artifices - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Additional tags will be added, Big family, Caring friends, Character Death, Eating Disorder, F/M, Insecure Thoughts, M/M, Pancakes, eventual therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-05 01:06:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17909105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clockworknobody/pseuds/clockworknobody
Summary: "Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten."





	Down The Rabbit Hole

> **Chapter One**
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When Drusilla Blackthorn looked at herself in the mirror, she wondered what she ever did to deserve her body. Everyone else in her family was the perfect weight, despite however many pancakes her older brother, Julian, made. She seemed to be the only one in her family who ever gained any weight. Especially Emma Carstairs, the girl who had been friends with the Blackthorns for years and ate just as many pancakes as they did. (Of course, she did run eight miles every morning on the beach before school, but Dru could write pagefuls on why that sounded unappealing.)

Speak of the devil. Dru could smell the pancakes Julian was cooking wafting up from the kitchen and sliding under the crack in her room. She smiled unhappily at herself in the mirror and slowly made her way to join her family. 

"Good morning, Drusilla," Uncle Arthur greeted from the dining table. He turned the page in his newspaper delicately, his glasses perched precariously on his nose. 

"Good morning," Dru mumbled back. 

"Hey, Dru!" Julian called, waving his spatula in the air. "I have some pancakes for you. With _two_ surprise ingredients sprinkled in."

"It's powdered sugar and chocolate chips," Ty told her. Dru noticed that her younger brother was eating his regular plain pancakes with a thin drizzle of syrup on top. 

"Ty-Ty, you spoiled the surprise," Livvy chided teasingly. 

Dru placed her stack of homework from last night on the small sliver of table that wasn't covered by cups or plates or utensils. "I'm not that hungry, actually," she said hesitantly, twirling a braid around her finger. 

"Oh, are you feeling okay?" Julian asked, a concerned look gracing his face. "You said you weren't hungry yesterday, either."

"Yeah, I'm okay," Dru said, shrugging. She caught a glimpse of her face in the mirror and could only think to herself,  _How does anyone expect me to enjoy pancakes when my face is all fat like this?_

"How about one?" Julian didn't wait for an answer, instead sliding the plate across the island closer to Dru. "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

Dru took the plate reluctantly, relieved when the sound of the front door slamming shut resounded throughout the home and a familiar voice called out, "I hope that's pancakes I smell!" 

There was a loud chorus of "Emma!" and "Emma's here!" as Emma bounded into the kitchen, golden hair streaming out behind her. 

"I _need_ pancakes," Emma moaned dramatically. "I don't think I can live without them." 

"Sorry," Julian apologized. "It's gonna be a couple minutes."

Dru saw her opportunity. "Emma, here," she said, holding out her plate.

"Really?" Emma asked. 

"Dru," Julian admonished when he saw her plate, "you haven't even touched the pancake I made for you."

"I told you I'm not hungry," Dru insisted, hoping no one heard the way her stomach growled. 

Julian pursed his lips but said nothing as Emma dug into the pancake enthusiastically. He smiled and shook his head ruefully when Emma didn't bother with a fork or a knife. 

"Bus is coming in twelve minutes, everyone," Uncle Arthur announced, closing his newspaper delicately and glancing at the watch on his wrist. "I don't want to have to drive you all again because you got caught up in making faces in your pancakes."

That had been Livvy's idea, and Dru had agreed readily. She hadn't wanted to eat the pancakes, so she'd proposed teams: Ty and Livvy versus Julian and Emma. Tavvy was still asleep, so Dru had made some excuse and had escaped to her room. It stung a little that no one else seemed to care that she didn't have a partner, but she was mostly glad that she'd gotten a clean break out of breakfast. 

"Alright, wrap it up, everyone," Julian said, covering the bowl of batter with saran wrap. "Don't forget to brush your teeth. Oh, that reminds me. Uncle Arthur, don't forget that Tavvy has a dentist appointment at twelve-thirty."

Dru always admired her brother for how put together he always was. She always thought of Julian as the family's main caretaker ever since their parents died and Helen and Mark moved out, and Uncle Arthur was just there because the law said he had to be. She remembered there was a time where there had been a real danger of them moving to London where Uncle Arthur used to live, but he'd thankfully agreed to come live with them in L.A. Dru had to remind herself on a daily basis that Julian was only seventeen—four years older than her. 

"Thanks for the pancakes, Jules," Emma said, licking her plate clean of every single drop of syrup she could chase. 

Dru watched her enviously as she carelessly licked the leftover syrup off the other plates lying on the counter. 

"Dru?" Livvy asked, breaking her out of her trance. 

"I'm coming," Dru said automatically, following her sister to their bedrooms. 

 

***

 

The only real friend Dru had at school was a boy that had transferred earlier that year named Ash. His hair was a shock of white-blond and he had dark green eyes. They shared the same morning classes and lunch period, and they'd become quick friends. Still. Dru couldn't help but look forward to the day she would be in high school with her siblings so she could sit with them.

"I'm starving," Ash moaned, digging into his fruit salad with such gusto, Dru wondered if she should be worried about a choking hazard. 

"Are you still not hungry?" Ash asked, one cheek bulging with his food. His gaze fell on Dru's spaghetti, which she'd taken two bites out of. 

Dru shrugged and twirled some of the pasta around her fork aimlessly. "I guess not," she said. "Maybe I'm coming down with something."

"You sound fine." Ash studied her. "You look fine." He stabbed some more fruit onto his fork, then looked up at Dru and asked, "What's really going on? Why aren't you eating?"

Dru blinked. "What?" Her own family hadn't asked for a further explanation on why she wasn't eating, and she hadn't been expecting anyone else to inquire any further either. 

"Why aren't you eating?" Ash asked again, sounding more insistent. 

Dru sighed and shifted in her seat, avoiding eye contact with Ash. "I guess I'm just trying to lose a little weight, that's all."

"You are?" Ash seemed taken aback by what Dru said. "But why?"

"'Cause I'm fat!" Dru cried out, louder than she meant to. She lowered her voice. "I'm fat. I live in a family of perfect, skinny, overachievers, and I'm just... there. The forgettable one that no one wants."

"Don't say that," Ash said, his eyebrows furrowing in concern. "Dru, you have to eat. Haven't you been through all those eating disorder PSAs in health class? It's dangerous."

Dru scoffed. "I don't have an eating disorder. I still eat. See?" To make her point, she swallowed a forkful of spaghetti, hating how guilty it made her feel. "I just want to cut back a little on unhealthy foods. People do it all the time."

Ash didn't look entirely convinced, but he didn't say anything more on the subject the entire lunch period. 

 

***

 

That night, when Dru stepped onto the scale in her bathroom, she was pleased to see the number had dropped by two pounds. She made a note of the change in her notebook. She was now twenty-eight pounds from her ideal weight of ninety pounds. She knew that Livvy was almost one hundred and ten pounds, and she was fifteen. Dru also knew that Emma was probably somewhere around that weight as well, based on all the exercise she did. That meant they were underweight, which was what Dru wanted to be, too.

Dru knew that the only way to lose so much weight was to carefully regulate every calorie intake for each meal. She stepped off the scale as she heard her siblings call her for a movie they wanted to watch. She just hoped there wouldn't be popcorn. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be doing lots of research on eating disorders to try to make this as accurate as possible.


End file.
